So i had a date on Friday with a cute little fish eater and i got stood up, i guess thats what i get for trying to mess around with married women who get treadmills for their birthday's. Your man needs to chill with all that cock blocking shit...but i'm not the one! i wont be got! no cup cakes for me baby! I'M STILL THE LADIES MAN.
THE LADIES MAN.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
REAL GRAFFITI
Now i dont see why graffiti writers are always trying to be all cryptic with their wildstyles and excessive quasi-compulsive behaviours...this is real graffiti. The real multi-tasking: shitting, tagging and rapping all in one piece. Bansky/Banksy eat your London fish and chip stained heart out bitch!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
SCARFACE IS CUTE
NO, im not going to talk about Brian de Plama's pubes or any of that other weird stuff hip-hop heads are always talking about when they hear the name SCARFACE, for me its different, i'm going on about my favourite quirky GEEK CHIC FLY BITCH actor and writer TINA FEY!
SALUTATIONS MY WHITE YANKEE QUEEN..ONE DAY WE'LL SHARE A POST COITAL VIRGINIA SLIM TOGETHER, OR WHATEVER IT IS YA'LL NIGGAZ SMOKE.
NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE BIG BRAINS AND A BIG ASS, SHE HAS A SCAR ON HER FACE, JUST LIKE ME!
i really find small scars on womens faces really attractive...dont start thinking that i like to beat women now(unless they punch me in the balls), they're[scars] ENHANCE THEM WITH a sense of character...
TINA, WE COULD MAKE JOKES ABOUT NIGGERS ALL DAY AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THE ASS COCKED AND THE DOORS LOCKED. if 30 Rock wasnt funny would i still watch it for her? the answer is........
SALUTATIONS MY WHITE YANKEE QUEEN..ONE DAY WE'LL SHARE A POST COITAL VIRGINIA SLIM TOGETHER, OR WHATEVER IT IS YA'LL NIGGAZ SMOKE.
Monday, May 19, 2008
MY WEEKEND
MY WEEKEND
I'M NOT SURE IF I HAD A GOOD TIME OR NOT, BUT I THINK I DID...I WOKE UP IN A BUSH IN MY GARDEN AND THE CLOUDS LOOKED LIKE PANTHERS DRESSED IN SUITS SMOKING CHALICES.
PRODUCT PLACEMENT.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
DEAR KELLY
Dear Kelly
Kelly Khumalo is an enigma; you may have seen her in the E-TV soap Rhythm City or one of her music videos where she sings gospel with her labia lips peeking out her sweet sweaty Zulu panties.
It’s very rude to write about yourself in a blog, so I’ve decided to write about someone else who influences me very much every time I’m lonely and sneak off to the bathroom with a bottle of Vaseline intensive care for dry skin.
Kelly does not look like she has dry skin…a lot of people hate on her because of her scandalous apparel and that she could probably lick the chrome off a Chevrolet Escalade’s bumper. I hate on her because she’s married to some old ass man who will probably not be able to bust a nut in the next 2 years. Kelly…please change your life. Leave him…come work with me, my beats, my spin doctoring. We could go far. Further than your cute ass and vertical smile.
Fuck Khanyi Mbau and her retarded ass big lips and mongoloid smile. I saw you in pick n pay with your bitch ass man looking like an obese jungle guerrilla…you aint got nothing on Kelly!
BUT IF YOURE EVER HUNGRY, CALL ME SO I COULD PUT MY STEAK INTO YOUR KIDNEYS SO WE CAN MAKE A PIE.
"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK,WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT"-TINCHY STRYDER
NICE!!!
"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK, WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT" - TINCHY STRYDER
Kelly Khumalo is an enigma; you may have seen her in the E-TV soap Rhythm City or one of her music videos where she sings gospel with her labia lips peeking out her sweet sweaty Zulu panties.
It’s very rude to write about yourself in a blog, so I’ve decided to write about someone else who influences me very much every time I’m lonely and sneak off to the bathroom with a bottle of Vaseline intensive care for dry skin.
Kelly does not look like she has dry skin…a lot of people hate on her because of her scandalous apparel and that she could probably lick the chrome off a Chevrolet Escalade’s bumper. I hate on her because she’s married to some old ass man who will probably not be able to bust a nut in the next 2 years. Kelly…please change your life. Leave him…come work with me, my beats, my spin doctoring. We could go far. Further than your cute ass and vertical smile.
Fuck Khanyi Mbau and her retarded ass big lips and mongoloid smile. I saw you in pick n pay with your bitch ass man looking like an obese jungle guerrilla…you aint got nothing on Kelly!
BUT IF YOURE EVER HUNGRY, CALL ME SO I COULD PUT MY STEAK INTO YOUR KIDNEYS SO WE CAN MAKE A PIE.
"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK,WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT"-TINCHY STRYDER
NICE!!!
"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK, WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT" - TINCHY STRYDER
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
SEX IN THE MACHINE
Sex in the Machine
Sex is wonderful, it’s timeless, it is a necessity and it makes the world go round. It is like a clean ozone layer and the people need it now.
The world is always changing (like Manto Tshabalala’s wigs) as is the process of sex, however the most drastic change has been what a person must do to actually get sex in the first place.
What I’m talking about is courtship, “macking”, “spading”, “hollering” “getting into the butchery” …whatever you may choose to call it, and it has to be done if you want to do the vertical shuffle.
In this fast and bizarrely wonderful era in which we live, “getting into the butchery” is no longer limited to dates at a crime-ridden park for a picnic of boiled egg sandwiches and cheap wine with a date you know will probably not have sex with you for at least the next six months unless your surname has something to do with mercantile or show business.
But then came the Internet!
To be blunt, online dating is what rebellious primary school children and 50-something divorcees do. However online courting is also for busy people on the go, and also for the just-plain-horny and sexually adventurous people. I chose to investigate the latter.
Tyra* is an incredibly attractive Lebanese girl I contacted through Gumtree.co.za which seems to be the ultimate hub of what they call “NSA fun” - meaning No Strings Attached fun. Tyra is her online screen name. She tells me she’s had sex with more than 10 people through Gumtree alone, as well as a few other encounters from groups on Facebook.
Her message post on the site is eloquently state: “I need black C**k”. At the end of the post she asserts in bold writing “I am not a call girl. Don't ask me for my price!”
“At first it’s like a learning experience, getting rid of the weirdos - then you start a system of choice and communication that you know is safe and works for you. It’s so much quicker than constant flirting and the setting up of dates and emotional baggage. This is straight to the point. Let’s just have sex and go home afterwards.”
Tyra is 22 and is currently working for a promotions company and is planning to start university next year. She has just spent the past two years travelling around Europe. “I don’t think I’ll start doing the whole dating thing when I get to varsity … I mean I will do it but not exclusively. Like this, it’s efficient and exciting.”
Wits students generally seem to be more into conventional modes of courtship such as reciting Karl Marx by candle light, judging from interviews I conducted.
Vumisa Kopano is a 20-year-old second year BA student who, when asked if he would ever have sex with a person he’d never met, using the Internet as his source, said, “I would never do it. It’s just a cop-out! I don’t even trust women in the clubs - how am I going to trust a woman from the Internet? It’s not like you can’t get a STD because she’s from cyberspace.”
Thursday, April 24, 2008
BOREDOM CAUSES CANCER AND BAD ART
i've recently started to experiment with photoshop as opposed to smoking cigarretess which i dont plan on quitting anytime soon, i really suck at it but what matters these days when its a crime to rock adidas and nike and reebok at the same time.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
ITS WET WET WET! LIL MAMA APPRECIATION DAY
I will never care what they say about Lil Mama, even if she hangs out with that dingle-berries like Chris brown and T-Pain...i dont care what they say about her jaw line, it's a jaw line i would like to lick and marinate.
Lil Mama got style and attitude, i bet she fucks skinny niggaz up..but the question i should be asking is does she fuck skinny niggaz like me? Lil Mama, as long as youre alive this is your day, a private public holiday for me and you in a cubicle some where!
IF YOU [LIL MAMA] EVER COME ACROSS THIS, DONT THINK I'M A PSYCHO WHO WANTS TO SNIFF YOUR PANTIES, I APPRECIATE YOUR BEAUTY, I JUST USE DIRTY WORDS. I LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND.
Lil Mama got style and attitude, i bet she fucks skinny niggaz up..but the question i should be asking is does she fuck skinny niggaz like me? Lil Mama, as long as youre alive this is your day, a private public holiday for me and you in a cubicle some where!
IF YOU [LIL MAMA] EVER COME ACROSS THIS, DONT THINK I'M A PSYCHO WHO WANTS TO SNIFF YOUR PANTIES, I APPRECIATE YOUR BEAUTY, I JUST USE DIRTY WORDS. I LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND.
Air Force Dumps: The Gay Question
Air force Dumps: The Gay Question
So I get a text message from Spoek Mathambo that he’ll be in town for three days or so because he has to perform at the launch of the Nike concept store in Melville. I don’t think, I react, free clothes, maybe a little Iraq (I-Rack) is all that plagues my mind.
There’s a man that is always at every party I go to with Spoek, I think he might be a subtle stalker, but he’s cool, he was also working at the launch, the day before the show he told that an open bar will be in effect. That night I hardly slept, I was thinking about the next day, going to Iraq, war paint, got the shrapnel out of my ass cheeks.
Woo! Its Tuesday yesterday, I have to do like three stories for the newspaper I work at but knock off at 13:45pm to go to Spoek’s House because his sound check is at 16:00pm. I almost killed an old lady bitch on the highway as I rushed to Sandown a.k.a Lil Brazil whilst smoking some skunk and listening to Billy Ocean. Its safe to say that I was in a fucking good mood, I had my new skinny jeans on, my new Adidas adicolour fitted hat, had my trusty gold Figaro chain on, my old cardigan was popping off like herpes and I had pocket full of stinkies and shrapnel.
At Spoek’s crib I was introduced to his other Grand Mom Dukes and his brother who I hadn’t met yet let alone knew existed, he said Spoek was a “Comedic Rapper” I laughed, Spoek got mad and stormed out the lounge and heated up some chicken pieces and rice for us, i could see he was hurt and wanted to cry but i was just too hungry to care. Bill Bellamy Mathambo. We took Spoek’s brothers Brand Nubian CD to listen on the way to the launch whilst I laughed at the fact that I hadn’t heard anyone say the term “real hip-hop” in a while, it’s such a dumb fucking term. I sang along like a fool to “Hold On” simply red just can’t do it like Lord Jamar.
Shot him and he dropped like a bean bag
Mean muthafucker with a rag and some jeans that sag
They signify your life by crossing out your tag….
Venue was looking nice, there was a little pretty coloured girl who was working the door that looked 15 years old or and she wasn’t Asian, I wondered if she knew that girls her age are sewing the kicks she’s rocking…that I’m rocking too. But I think mine were made by some Bangladesh bitches. She had a plump ass, I imagined myself biting it and licking her gash as I sang Yellowman to her, I forgot about her and went to some restaurant called ANT to get some Windhoek’s with Spoek and Marcus Wormstorm where I listened to them talk about music I’d never heard of by a Scandanavian New Yorker man in a wedding dress. I didn’t feel left out. Not a bit homie!
The place was full of “important” looking people and photographers who wanted to take pictures of me, I’m not famous and I know when I’m being scammed, I think they were gay or something, like the time in junior school when I went on a class hike to the Drakensburg and our sick priest camping master wanted to take pictures of us swimming. Weird. But I still posed, I was asked to wear a Nike tracksuit top for their blog and take a picture, the top was sweet and I didn’t take it off and put on my jacket on top of it, Iraq. This didn’t last long, the white woman caught and politely asked me to take it off as I tried to slip away to the bar section. I agreed, I sighed, blamed the bitch for 500 years of oppression. She even said “is that an Adidas cap?” You done know!
CHECK OUT HOW THEY PHOTO SHOPED THE ADIDAS LOGO OUT OF MY HAT..NIKE ARE SOME SNEAKY BASTARDS
NIKE organisers are fucking cheap; you should have seen the gear they wanted Sweat X to wear, straight off the store rack, no exclusive joints, and no gift bags for junket journalists like myself. The crowd looked like a cocaine crowd but no one was cutting up lines on their dunks, I was a little disappointed but the Johnnie Walker tab kept me shut. They had no tequila and I forced a shot of vodka down my manly pallete, no I’m not talking about my anus god damnit ! come to think of it the lack of girls may explain the homosexual overtones of the launch…the campaign phrase for the store is “Be true” next paragraph.
I think I vomited on someone’s air max’s, I don’t know, I stole a blue top which I cant find now…its all a haze now, I remember lying about my profession to some foreign white women, told them I was in agriculture and that I’m trying to invest in kicks for cows or some dumb shit like that, they laughed, I didn’t get laid, I dint even wank when I got home cause I didn’t go home.
Syntax came through, dude still looks like a pineapple in denim, and I remember talking about being tired of hanging around musicians because I’m a struggling musician. The models at the show were fucking disgusting and the art designer is an evil son of a bitch who had the black models painted in black face. The Nike Minstrel show….I missed the Sweat X performance, seen it a million times and I’m quite tired of seeing Spoek fucking the air.
This is probably the last event Spoek will ever invite me to, I’m so embarrassing. I’m a grime guy but I can get funky.
Good life Good life, Good life, Good life Good life…Good life!
So I get a text message from Spoek Mathambo that he’ll be in town for three days or so because he has to perform at the launch of the Nike concept store in Melville. I don’t think, I react, free clothes, maybe a little Iraq (I-Rack) is all that plagues my mind.
There’s a man that is always at every party I go to with Spoek, I think he might be a subtle stalker, but he’s cool, he was also working at the launch, the day before the show he told that an open bar will be in effect. That night I hardly slept, I was thinking about the next day, going to Iraq, war paint, got the shrapnel out of my ass cheeks.
Woo! Its Tuesday yesterday, I have to do like three stories for the newspaper I work at but knock off at 13:45pm to go to Spoek’s House because his sound check is at 16:00pm. I almost killed an old lady bitch on the highway as I rushed to Sandown a.k.a Lil Brazil whilst smoking some skunk and listening to Billy Ocean. Its safe to say that I was in a fucking good mood, I had my new skinny jeans on, my new Adidas adicolour fitted hat, had my trusty gold Figaro chain on, my old cardigan was popping off like herpes and I had pocket full of stinkies and shrapnel.
At Spoek’s crib I was introduced to his other Grand Mom Dukes and his brother who I hadn’t met yet let alone knew existed, he said Spoek was a “Comedic Rapper” I laughed, Spoek got mad and stormed out the lounge and heated up some chicken pieces and rice for us, i could see he was hurt and wanted to cry but i was just too hungry to care. Bill Bellamy Mathambo. We took Spoek’s brothers Brand Nubian CD to listen on the way to the launch whilst I laughed at the fact that I hadn’t heard anyone say the term “real hip-hop” in a while, it’s such a dumb fucking term. I sang along like a fool to “Hold On” simply red just can’t do it like Lord Jamar.
Shot him and he dropped like a bean bag
Mean muthafucker with a rag and some jeans that sag
They signify your life by crossing out your tag….
Venue was looking nice, there was a little pretty coloured girl who was working the door that looked 15 years old or and she wasn’t Asian, I wondered if she knew that girls her age are sewing the kicks she’s rocking…that I’m rocking too. But I think mine were made by some Bangladesh bitches. She had a plump ass, I imagined myself biting it and licking her gash as I sang Yellowman to her, I forgot about her and went to some restaurant called ANT to get some Windhoek’s with Spoek and Marcus Wormstorm where I listened to them talk about music I’d never heard of by a Scandanavian New Yorker man in a wedding dress. I didn’t feel left out. Not a bit homie!
The place was full of “important” looking people and photographers who wanted to take pictures of me, I’m not famous and I know when I’m being scammed, I think they were gay or something, like the time in junior school when I went on a class hike to the Drakensburg and our sick priest camping master wanted to take pictures of us swimming. Weird. But I still posed, I was asked to wear a Nike tracksuit top for their blog and take a picture, the top was sweet and I didn’t take it off and put on my jacket on top of it, Iraq. This didn’t last long, the white woman caught and politely asked me to take it off as I tried to slip away to the bar section. I agreed, I sighed, blamed the bitch for 500 years of oppression. She even said “is that an Adidas cap?” You done know!
CHECK OUT HOW THEY PHOTO SHOPED THE ADIDAS LOGO OUT OF MY HAT..NIKE ARE SOME SNEAKY BASTARDS
NIKE organisers are fucking cheap; you should have seen the gear they wanted Sweat X to wear, straight off the store rack, no exclusive joints, and no gift bags for junket journalists like myself. The crowd looked like a cocaine crowd but no one was cutting up lines on their dunks, I was a little disappointed but the Johnnie Walker tab kept me shut. They had no tequila and I forced a shot of vodka down my manly pallete, no I’m not talking about my anus god damnit ! come to think of it the lack of girls may explain the homosexual overtones of the launch…the campaign phrase for the store is “Be true” next paragraph.
I think I vomited on someone’s air max’s, I don’t know, I stole a blue top which I cant find now…its all a haze now, I remember lying about my profession to some foreign white women, told them I was in agriculture and that I’m trying to invest in kicks for cows or some dumb shit like that, they laughed, I didn’t get laid, I dint even wank when I got home cause I didn’t go home.
Syntax came through, dude still looks like a pineapple in denim, and I remember talking about being tired of hanging around musicians because I’m a struggling musician. The models at the show were fucking disgusting and the art designer is an evil son of a bitch who had the black models painted in black face. The Nike Minstrel show….I missed the Sweat X performance, seen it a million times and I’m quite tired of seeing Spoek fucking the air.
This is probably the last event Spoek will ever invite me to, I’m so embarrassing. I’m a grime guy but I can get funky.
Good life Good life, Good life, Good life Good life…Good life!
Monday, April 7, 2008
READ MY SHORT NOVEL.THE DEVILS WHITE HORSE
WROTE IT LAST YEAR, WAS GONNA DO MORE WORK ON IT BUT SOME FOLKS THOUGHT IT WAS ENOUGH...I ASSUME CAUSE THEYRE TOO LAZY TO READ...it hurts to say this but i wont be surprised if any of my south african folk will read it..they dont read things that are too long....please dont get mad at me for saying that, you know its true....you can find on my myspace blog ..
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/SPACEVEIN
bring on the critiques yo! lets do this like faulkner did it to a bottle of whisky.
Big space
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/SPACEVEIN
bring on the critiques yo! lets do this like faulkner did it to a bottle of whisky.
Big space
DELAYS, NO AIDS, LONDON
Alot of people must think i'm some kind of a waste man who never releases anything apart from an instrumental album called "This product contains Nuts" which went ghetto mahogany, meaning 200 copies sold...which is relatively good cause i had schiztophrenia at the time and couldnt quite kkep up with the record sales...but i'm alive though. mixtape coming in a week, i promise, ive been mad busy....cormega is on it now.
So i had an aids test done and i'm glad to say i passed with flying colors, distinctions and the deans list. To be honest i only took the test cause it was for insurance purposes so i could get life insurance( i dont have kids, but i do have bitches)...the nurse came to my crib, she was fat, ugly and polite, she was rough with the needle, she disturbed my lunch...can you imagine you were frying a steak with chips and tomato and onion sauce then your door bell rings and its a nurse with a portable hiv test kit??
2 days later after getting drunk with my girlfriend who had her thumbs crossed i get home and got a call from the nurse, i was negative. i drank a bottle of vodka afterwards, what an anti-climax...i got high and drunk for a week before hand to prepaRE myself for the test, then i got drunk whilst waiting for the results...if i was positive i would have partied like its 1999, just to go out with a bang, but when your result is negative, its just another night at the bar.
on a more serious note, CITINITE DJ and owner wants to play my music in london...finally, i always saw my listeners as adolescents in bowler hats who like to beat up homeless people at bus stops...also thinking about going to LONDON next year..dunno though..maybe croatia...
"IT FEELS GOOD TO FEEL GOOD"-GHETTO
So i had an aids test done and i'm glad to say i passed with flying colors, distinctions and the deans list. To be honest i only took the test cause it was for insurance purposes so i could get life insurance( i dont have kids, but i do have bitches)...the nurse came to my crib, she was fat, ugly and polite, she was rough with the needle, she disturbed my lunch...can you imagine you were frying a steak with chips and tomato and onion sauce then your door bell rings and its a nurse with a portable hiv test kit??
2 days later after getting drunk with my girlfriend who had her thumbs crossed i get home and got a call from the nurse, i was negative. i drank a bottle of vodka afterwards, what an anti-climax...i got high and drunk for a week before hand to prepaRE myself for the test, then i got drunk whilst waiting for the results...if i was positive i would have partied like its 1999, just to go out with a bang, but when your result is negative, its just another night at the bar.
on a more serious note, CITINITE DJ and owner wants to play my music in london...finally, i always saw my listeners as adolescents in bowler hats who like to beat up homeless people at bus stops...also thinking about going to LONDON next year..dunno though..maybe croatia...
"IT FEELS GOOD TO FEEL GOOD"-GHETTO
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
1ST TIME CUMMING
do you rememer the first time you ejaculated? and im not talking about the first time you had pussy( or anus if youre from San francisco)but the first time you realized you had sperm...i remembeR MINE.... i told everyone in my class... but like the haters they are to this very day, they didnt believe...they were like " come on then, show us, go wank " i declined, till this day no one believes i'm capable of pro-creating despite the fact that my nuts drag on the floor when i swagger....this blog is going to change that. cause i just came in my pants....look at this..if this doesnt make you hard then maybe you really need to renegotiate the basis of heterosexuality.
"its my birthday yesterday, anyway ima go sniff this, i'll beep in an hour, i hate you" Necro
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