SCARFACE IS CUTE

NO, im not going to talk about Brian de Plama's pubes or any of that other weird stuff hip-hop heads are always talking about when they hear the name SCARFACE, for me its different, i'm going on about my favourite quirky GEEK CHIC FLY BITCH actor and writer TINA FEY!

NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE BIG BRAINS AND A BIG ASS, SHE HAS A SCAR ON HER FACE, JUST LIKE ME!

i really find small scars on womens faces really attractive...dont start thinking that i like to beat women now(unless they punch me in the balls), they're[scars] ENHANCE THEM WITH a sense of character...

TINA, WE COULD MAKE JOKES ABOUT NIGGERS ALL DAY AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THE ASS COCKED AND THE DOORS LOCKED. if 30 Rock wasnt funny would i still watch it for her? the answer is........

SALUTATIONS MY WHITE YANKEE QUEEN..ONE DAY WE'LL SHARE A POST COITAL VIRGINIA SLIM TOGETHER, OR WHATEVER IT IS YA'LL NIGGAZ SMOKE.

MY WEEKEND

MY WEEKEND

I'M NOT SURE IF I HAD A GOOD TIME OR NOT, BUT I THINK I DID...I WOKE UP IN A BUSH IN MY GARDEN AND THE CLOUDS LOOKED LIKE PANTHERS DRESSED IN SUITS SMOKING CHALICES.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

DEAR KELLY

Dear Kelly


Kelly Khumalo is an enigma; you may have seen her in the E-TV soap Rhythm City or one of her music videos where she sings gospel with her labia lips peeking out her sweet sweaty Zulu panties.

It’s very rude to write about yourself in a blog, so I’ve decided to write about someone else who influences me very much every time I’m lonely and sneak off to the bathroom with a bottle of Vaseline intensive care for dry skin.

Kelly does not look like she has dry skin…a lot of people hate on her because of her scandalous apparel and that she could probably lick the chrome off a Chevrolet Escalade’s bumper. I hate on her because she’s married to some old ass man who will probably not be able to bust a nut in the next 2 years. Kelly…please change your life. Leave him…come work with me, my beats, my spin doctoring. We could go far. Further than your cute ass and vertical smile.

Fuck Khanyi Mbau and her retarded ass big lips and mongoloid smile. I saw you in pick n pay with your bitch ass man looking like an obese jungle guerrilla…you aint got nothing on Kelly!

BUT IF YOURE EVER HUNGRY, CALL ME SO I COULD PUT MY STEAK INTO YOUR KIDNEYS SO WE CAN MAKE A PIE.

"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK,WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT"-TINCHY STRYDER

















NICE!!!
"WATCH MORE THAN THE BACK, WATCH MORE THAN THE FRONT" - TINCHY STRYDER

SEX IN THE MACHINE

Sex in the Machine

Sex is wonderful, it’s timeless, it is a necessity and it makes the world go round. It is like a clean ozone layer and the people need it now.

The world is always changing (like Manto Tshabalala’s wigs) as is the process of sex, however the most drastic change has been what a person must do to actually get sex in the first place.

What I’m talking about is courtship, “macking”, “spading”, “hollering” “getting into the butchery” …whatever you may choose to call it, and it has to be done if you want to do the vertical shuffle.

In this fast and bizarrely wonderful era in which we live, “getting into the butchery” is no longer limited to dates at a crime-ridden park for a picnic of boiled egg sandwiches and cheap wine with a date you know will probably not have sex with you for at least the next six months unless your surname has something to do with mercantile or show business.

But then came the Internet!

To be blunt, online dating is what rebellious primary school children and 50-something divorcees do. However online courting is also for busy people on the go, and also for the just-plain-horny and sexually adventurous people. I chose to investigate the latter.

Tyra* is an incredibly attractive Lebanese girl I contacted through Gumtree.co.za which seems to be the ultimate hub of what they call “NSA fun” - meaning No Strings Attached fun. Tyra is her online screen name. She tells me she’s had sex with more than 10 people through Gumtree alone, as well as a few other encounters from groups on Facebook.

Her message post on the site is eloquently state: “I need black C**k”. At the end of the post she asserts in bold writing “I am not a call girl. Don't ask me for my price!”

“At first it’s like a learning experience, getting rid of the weirdos - then you start a system of choice and communication that you know is safe and works for you. It’s so much quicker than constant flirting and the setting up of dates and emotional baggage. This is straight to the point. Let’s just have sex and go home afterwards.”

Tyra is 22 and is currently working for a promotions company and is planning to start university next year. She has just spent the past two years travelling around Europe. “I don’t think I’ll start doing the whole dating thing when I get to varsity … I mean I will do it but not exclusively. Like this, it’s efficient and exciting.”

Wits students generally seem to be more into conventional modes of courtship such as reciting Karl Marx by candle light, judging from interviews I conducted.

Vumisa Kopano is a 20-year-old second year BA student who, when asked if he would ever have sex with a person he’d never met, using the Internet as his source, said, “I would never do it. It’s just a cop-out! I don’t even trust women in the clubs - how am I going to trust a woman from the Internet? It’s not like you can’t get a STD because she’s from cyberspace.”